There are Always two Paths
Andrew W. Woodward

German: “The left path is the imprecise and unpredictable path. The right path is the right path.”

Australian: “You never know which way the roo’s gonna’ jump, left or right, but either way the bastard’s wiley!”

Pre-Perestroika Russian: “Go to the left, go to the right, in the end you will do it for the State!”
Post-Perestroika Russian: “Left and right… and… for me what does this matter?”

Irish: “Take the left, take the right, I don’t fuckin’ care’… let’s get drunk!”

Yoda: “To the left, the past you will find… to the right, it is the future you seek… it is you who must choose the path. It is your destiny.”

Amish: “Our people do not believe in two paths. That is the way of the English. For us there is only one path. It is the path of Righteousness. It is God’s way.”

East Indian Mystic: “If it is the left path that you seek, then it is the left path that you must find. If it is the right path that you seek, then it is the right path that you must find. But… it is the middle path that will lead you to the answer.”

Proper British: “There’s always been a left path and a right path. But when one considers all possible consequences, one must consider the correct path to be obvious.”

Guttural British: “Fuck your left! Fuck your right! It’s Manchester United!

Old Chinese Wise Man: “For all time when man step left, something happen. When man step right, something happen… when man stand still… nothing happen. Always better to take step.”

An American Teenager in 2008: “So, like… left and right… is this a test?”

The Short Psychic Lady in the Movie Poltergeist: “Honey, now listen carefully to what I have to tell you… to the left is the thing that scares you most… some call it The Beast. But to the right is salvation, and everything that you love and hold so close to you… these are the things that the left side longs for, but cannot have…
Now honey, you’ve got to hold on to what you believe, now more than ever… because it knows what scares you, it always has. But on the right path is Carol Anne… and she waitin’ for her mommy on the right. So just stay on the right… and bring back your little girl!”

95 Year-old African-American Woman: “The left was always a long, windin’, bumpy, low-down, bad time road. And the right, well the right was always a trap! I don’t know which one’s better. I just know… well… that it’s the journey’s where all the growin’s goin’ on.”

George “W” Bush: “Now, you got your left and you got your right…yeah… and I don’t know about any left or right… you know… but what I do know is if you’re not the left and you’re not the right, you’re against us.”

30’s Mobster: “Yeah, the coppers will be looking left and right… see… but we’re not going to be left or right. We’re digging a tunnel, yeah, that’s what we’ll do… we’ll dig a tunnel… straight down and past all their lefts and rights. Straight out the other side, and then we’ll be free! We’ll be rich and we’ll be free!

Yogi:  “The mind will tell you there is a left and a right. But the mind is totally crazy and will only try to confuse you.  There is nowhere to go and nothing to do… therefore you cannot go to the left or the right.   Be.  Here.  Now.   Jai Bhagwan (The Spirit within me salutes the Spirit in you).”

California Surfer: “Tja’ bro, I totally left my body when I caught that righteous wave!”

Dali Lama:  “There is no left or right.  There is only the “is”. Just keep meditating and listening only to your breath… eliminating all movies of the mind which tell you there is a left or the right and eventually you will notice no left or the right, only the now.  Peace.”

Imam Mohammad (a Sheik from Iraq):  “You know that Americans will try to tell you there is a left or the right and that the left will get the Americans out of Iraq.  But pray 5 times a day and read the Koran and you will see that the Prophet Mohammad, Alayhis salaam (peace be upon him), will tell you there is no way but our way and anyone who does not follow our way will not go to heaven.  Now… remember modesty, keeping you body covered, pray, read the Koran, do good works and there may be virgins waiting for you in heaven. As-Salāmu `Alaykum (peace be upon you).”

Native American: "For us there are not two directions, but four. For us there is the North, South, East and West. When we pray to the Great Spirit we face the North. What you call the "left" is the West. It is there that the sun sets. It is black. It is death. It is what is old and turned to dust. To the "right" is the East. It is from here that the sun rises in a new day and from here that things are born. It is red... it is success and triumph. But our people also have the North. It is here that people will find trouble and defeat. In the North all things are cold and there is always danger. The spirits of the South will show you peace and happiness. There it is warm and kind and gentle. This is the way of the Great Spirit who gives us life."

Harley Rider: “Yeah man, sometimes you go to the left and sometimes you go to the right… it don’t really matter. Just remember, keep the rubber side down and the shiny side up and you’ll see it all, man.”